an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
