Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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