he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
is it fun? or sober?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
