I think my vagina is haunted
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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