I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
