so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he fucked my hip out of place.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
