I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
