one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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