Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
