i can't believe i had my finger in that
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
