I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
