he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Panties = found
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
