what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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