i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
