It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
