just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
