suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
