I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
