I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
