Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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