I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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