she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
