note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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