So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So vagazzling was a success
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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