i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
