I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
