Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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