Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
This toilet bowl is my home.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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