My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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