The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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