nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
