You can't special order awesome
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
