I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
