Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
