u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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