I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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