So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Randomize
