Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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