If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
