yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
whose parrot is this?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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