I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
