you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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