so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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