and my herpes radar will keep us safe
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
