i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
