pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
