im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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