A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
