Jerry, you need to find god
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
