About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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