I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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